Dream

So last week we went out to eat as a little family.  Up until about 2 weeks ago, each time we'd go out to eat, Isaac would sleep through the entire meal.  Now our little sleepy boy has become much more interested in all that is going on around him and he spends much of our time in a restaurant awake.  This particular night he was being such a good baby and he was giving me charming grins, nose wrinkles, and smiley eyes.  About a half an hour into the meal (and a half an hour into Isaac and I passing grins and coos back and forth), Josh asked me, "What is it like to have a dream and then be able to live that dream everyday?"  Being the smarty pants that I am I responded by saying something like, "I don't know, you tell me."  We chuckled and then I got misty (would you expect anything less?).  The answer is that it is the most amazing thing.  That sentence seems weak, but honestly I can't think of the words to describe how incredibly blessed I feel to be living this dream.  I have always wanted to be a mom and for so long that dream seemed so far away.  Then two years ago, when I found out that I was going to be a mom for the first time, it seemed that my dream was coming true.  I feel strongly that I have been a mom for two years, but I felt a void being a mom who didn't have a child to hold.  It is completely incredible to now be able to live this dream that was placed in my heart at a young age, and I don't want to take a single second for granted.

Happy baby at the restaurant.

Reality Check

I've rewritten this post a bunch of times because I just can't get the words right.  I still feel compelled to share though.  Today started out lovely, with an early lunch date with a new friend.  I am energized by interacting with people and especially with connecting with others one on one.  As the day went on, I allowed doubt and fear creep in and dominate a good third to half of my day (I'm not real good with math, so I'm not sure of the exact percentage).  I think it is so easy to get news that is out of the norm, not even bad news - and let my brain interpret it as the worst news I've ever heard.  I think that it is easy to miss the positive things that are being said when doubt and fear set in, and I momentarily forget the good and the blessings.  Today I did my share of being scared and feeling sorry for myself.  Even after Josh and I talked (it always helps me to talk and talk until I feel better) and my outlook was more positive, I still found myself feeling discouraged.  Then this evening, I was sitting on the couch holding one very tired baby who missed his long nap and I was all of the sudden overwhelmed by the blessings I've experienced in the last year.  Somewhere in between listening to his rhythmic breathing, smelling his sweet baby smell, and gazing on the most precious face that I've ever seen,  I was reminded that the things I tend to allow to defeat me are often very small in the scheme of things.  It also hit me that often when I'm encouraged by an interaction or when I just really feel that I've been able to be part of something that is bigger than myself, I often feel attacked later.  The moment was such a gift, that I took a picture.