Totally Unexpected

Grief is such a weird thing.  I think I've stated that many times in the last 7 months.  Yes, 7 months, I can't even believe it.

Tonight Josh and I did a warp speed shopping trip to the discount "grocery outlet" nearby, had dinner at my favorite local restaurant, went to Ollie's (another one of my favorite cheap places), and went to Home Depot to look at kitchen counters for the mini kitchen makeover we are planning.  We had a great time.  He always makes me laugh and tonight he was really doing a good job of it.  We were in our little yellow jeep, which is such a good winter vehicle.  It is so cozy inside and we get to sit so much closer than we do in our other vehicle.  It was snowing and the roads weren't great, but I always feel so safe when he drives.  It was a very satisfying evening.

We got home and unloaded the groceries (this included some creative soup can stacking because we bought SO much soup). Then I sat down at my computer to check my email and see what was going on in the Facebook world.  And somewhere between status updates and photos, my eyes filled up and I began to cry.  How odd after such a wonderful evening.  I feel so fulfilled in so many ways and lately I feel more like I did before we got pregnant with Grant.  Able to dream about our future children, thinking about what things will be like when I am a mom and looking forward to the day that we find out we are expecting again.  But every once in a while, I remember that things aren't the way I thought they would be, the way I wanted them to be, that my son is dead, and it makes me very sad.  The tear filled times are getting shorter and less frequent, but they still happen.  And that is ok.