He's Here!

Since the beginning of October, I've had big plans for several blog posts.  It is unfortunate that I can't easily transpose my thoughts into a post and must have the time to type them out to share them.  I wanted to write a post on October 4 about the magic of the last date Josh and I had together before we became parents of a child who lived in our home and was under our care.  We went on a date to one of our favorite restaurants and just enjoyed time together.  We got an appetizer and had delicious meals and (this will sound so cheesy but it is true) the light was coming in the windows at the restaurant in such a way that just made the whole evening seem magical.  I felt so satisfied with the 5 years of marriage that he and I have under our belts pre-children and there was an excitement in the evening knowing that the next day everything was going to change.

We slept for maybe a few hours that night, 4:00 am came bright and early on October 5.  We had to be at the hospital at 5:15 am so that I could be prepped for my c-section.  The baby had decided to stay in the breech position so a c-section had been planned.  I was nervous throughout the morning  but everyone was so nice and did their best to put my mind at ease.  At 8:06 am Isaac David was born weighing 8 lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long with a full head of hair.  My heartburn paid off!  :)

Perhaps in the coming weeks I'll share more details about the days after Isaac's birth.  These past 3 weeks have been amazing.  We may be a little sleepy but we are filled with joy over this little boy.  It is amazing to see Josh in the Daddy role, he is such a good dad and I'm loving my new job as Isaac's mom.

Out of the Blue

This morning I received an email from a dear friend that was a reply to an email conversation we had on February 16.  The first email was from me to her, in it I shared my heart, my fears, my struggles.  I was 6 weeks along in my pregnancy at the time.  

Her email today said:  "I've held on to this email and periodically glanced at it to pray and remind me of your journey through this pregnancy. Now that you are nearly at the end of one journey (and at the beginning of another) I wanted to remind you of it as well. Look at how God has brought you through. Remember how these struggles were big struggles for you at the time. I hope that it brings you peace in knowing that your current struggles will soon be of the past as well. Soon you will be bringing home a beautiful new life. It won't matter how he/she got here. Soon. I love you."

A few days ago, I had cried on the phone to her about the fear of the unknown and all of the things that had been filling my pregnant mind lately.  I'm so thankful for my sweet friend who took the time to look back with me to show me where I've been, where I struggled, and how God has proven himself faithful.  This is such an encouragement to me, now at 36 weeks, as I venture on into the unknown with my mind filled with questions of what might be.  

Maternity Photo Shoot

A few weeks ago, my dear friend Rachel (we went to college together) came to our house to do a maternity photo shoot.  It was an exciting day and I had way more fun than I would've ever imagined.  I also was surprised at the feeling I had during the shoot.  I remember a similar feeling when I was walking down the aisle at my wedding, a feeling like, oh my goodness this day, that I've dreamed about for so long, is finally here.  Not that I had dreamed about a maternity photo shoot forever, but with our journey over the last year and a half the moments to be celebrating what was to come and what is in my belly was a really surreal thing.

Here is a highlight video from our shoot.  Rachel did such a great job!





www.ra-photo.com

What a Journey

So in order to explain my thought process and how I ended up teary eyed looking through pictures on Facebook, I must admit a somewhat vain activity I was partaking in.  You see, I'm terribly tired today.  I'm not trying to complain, but my body hurts so badly and I think I saw more of the night last night than I saw of my eyelids.  My exhaustion made me wonder if 9 week pregnant Cara looked as tired as 34 week pregnant feels.  So I decided to look back through pictures I've posted on Facebook to see if I could tell.  I began flipping through my profile pictures to find the 9 week pregnant version of myself and ended up flipping through a few years worth of profile pictures (see this is where I feel vain for even admitting that I was essentially looking at pictures of myself).  There are a lot of old pictures there, but there are a lot of pictures from the last year. When I saw the ones that were taken after Grant was born, I got sad thinking about how much my heart hurt during that time, but so happy that, amidst the sadness, there was also a lot of true happiness.  Pictures of my brand new nephew (who is so big right now and rapidly approaching his first birthday), pictures of Josh and I on our fall decorated porch, pictures from my cousin Jenny's wedding, and pictures from Christmas (among others, I change my picture frequently).  So many happy things that happened while I was dealing with grief and so desperately wanting there to be life within me again.  Then I found the picture of Josh and I with our nephew August in the I'm going to be a Big Cousin shirt that I made him for our big reveal that we were expecting again.  The tears started again, what had seemed like such a long season of my life, was really a very short season and just like that things were different.

This last 34 weeks has actually gone by so quickly.  I'm amazed each day that there is a person growing in my belly and I'm so excited to meet this little guy or girl.  The the last weeks of pregnancy speeding by, I've been introduced to a new array of emotions, sheer excitement: that this dream, this prayer will be coming to be so quickly, extreme fear: I used to feel like I could be a mom no problem, but now I'm questioning my abilities, bittersweet feelings that this season of it just being Josh and me is coming to close while being excited to start this new chapter, and worry (I can't think of a better word, because it isn't obsessive worry, just curious, I don't know what to expect, will everything be ok worry) about how everything will go down and how this baby will arrive.  So, I'm holding on to the truth that I know that God has this under control, he knows what he is doing, and will give us what we need to flourish through another change of seasons in life.  I'd appreciate your prayers that we could just enjoy these last 6 (or less) weeks until the baby arrives and trust that what will be will be!

A Savory Week

For a few months we had planned to take this first week of August to take a driving vacation to NY, VT, NH, and ME.  We thought it would be great to spend the time winging it and just doing what we wanted instead of sticking to a detailed vacation schedule.  Well, Saturday rolled around and we realized that we both felt pretty strongly that we shouldn't take the trip.  There were several factors involved in the decision which really aren't important to the point I'm trying to make.  My biggest fear with cancelling our vacation plans and taking a staycation for a second year in a row was that we'd end up finding ourselves at the end of the week having not done anything of significance or having spent too many evenings on the couch with our computers.

On this Thursday evening, I have to say that our vacation has been nothing like that.  This has been one of the most fulfilling weeks of 2011 for me.  I've spent so much quality time with Josh and didn't even have to pack for a week of being away from my house.  In some ways I feel that this vacation has been one of the more rewarding vacations we've taken because it actually has been relaxing.  We went away for a night at the beginning of the week, ate at a Japanese steakhouse, went to Presque Isle to take in the lake and take a few pictures, went to the White Turkey drive in for lunch, got chocolate covered Oreos at Peggy Gray Candies, went for ice cream (a few times) stayed up late, slept in, went to The County Seat for breakfast, I helped my mom pick furniture, we went out to a movie and dinner, ate toast at home (yep, that has been the extent of my at home dining), lunch at the Pizza Shop, went to Benezette to see the elk (we saw 25!), saw a rattle snake, and ate at Luigi's.  It was at Luigi's that I had that feeling that I get every now and then, when I'm still and paying attention.  The feeling was total contentment.

There I was sitting across from the most handsome man in the world, enjoying good conversation, laughs, and delicious food and I was hit with a waive of contentment and a desire to hit pause so that I could savor the goodness of the moment, of the week, of the life I have with him.  Life is busy, work can be stressful, and things need to be done, but it so great to take time every now and then to unplug, disconnect and savor time with my love.  This week I've felt so cherished, so loved, and so important to Josh (not that he doesn't make me feel that way when life is busy), it has been great and I wouldn't trade it for any vacation to any fancy location.

Another Peek at Firepower

Today we had another ultrasound. The butterflies in my stomach still happen even now, though feeling the baby move while we waited helped to ease the butterflies. So, what did we find out? Our child has a large head, big surprise there considering mommy and daddy have sizeable noggins, but it is proportionate to the rest of it's body. We saw hair on the baby's head.  She couldn't tell if it has hair on the top of it's head but definitely has a band of it around the back of it's head.  :)  While we are 28 weeks today, the baby was measuring between 29-30 weeks. Estimated weight is 3 lbs 1 oz. Josh said that the screen said 3 lbs 1 oz give or take 7 oz. I have no idea what that means for when baby will arrive. I think it means that the baby will arrive when he or she wants to. After we left the hospital, I ran into the mall to pick up a few needed items and bought a Steelers sleeper. So cute! Below are pictures of little baby sweet cheeks. The lumpy things you see in front of it's face are sections of the umbilical cord. What a delightful day!

Responding vs. Reacting

Today I got an email at work that was just rude.  It wasn't directed at me personally, it was the reaction of a person who had been told no and didn't get their way.  So this person decided to spout off their frustration to a person they don't know (me) in the form of a rude email.  I wish that, at the time, I could have looked at this situation with the kind of reason and matter of factness (is that a word?) that I did in retelling the situation right now.  Unfortunately, my response was for my blood to boil and to get really upset.  It isn't fun to get any kind of communication that is addressed to you that then rips apart something you believe in or a policy that you've had to enforce. While I didn't stay upset about this for long, it certainly had a negative affect on me, the way I disrupted my coworkers by being upset about it, and on my husband since he was home and I had to tell him how I'd been wronged.
I think what can be dangerous for me in the way I respond is that there really isn't anything "wrong" with my reaction.  I don't write nasty emails back to the people blasting them for what they said to me.  I'm not rude in my responses to the person at all.  What I feel is wrong about the way I react is the way it changes my attitude, causes me to panic, and causes disruptions for the people in my life.
I don't want this to be my reaction.  I want to, in the moment, be able to be reasonable and not reactionary (like the sender).  I want to be able to brush these kind of things off so that they don't then go on to disrupt the way I do everything else in that day, hour, half an hour, etc and the way I interact with everyone around me that I care about in that day, hour, half an hour, etc.  Or I want to be able to give it time to sit so that I can reevaluate once I've had time to process.  It is my prayer that going forward I'll recognize rude for rude, respond professionally, and move on without letting those little things (and they are little) disrupt the peace.