Here We Go

When I became sure that God had given me the words Trust and Hope for 2011, I thought that he was wanting my trust and hope for the process of getting pregnant.  As it turns out, he wants me to trust and hope in him no matter what.

On Groundhog's Day, we found out that not only were we getting an early spring (thank you Phil) but that we are going to have a baby (Phil didn't tell us that).  I took a test at 4:30 am, well because I was up and had to go the bathroom and didn't want to waste good urine.  While I waited for the test to register, I prayed that God would help me not be disappointed if it was negative and to just trust that he was in control.  When I peeked up at the counter, I saw the most beautiful word: Pregnant with no Not in front of it.  I was still sitting on the toilet at this point, shocked and excited.  This is where I tell you that our master bath is not really master, it is more like the mini bath.  You can barely open the door to the bathroom while sitting on the toilet, basically just enough to get a roll of toilet paper if someone leaves you stranded.  Anyways, I "opened" the door and shoved my face in the crack and proceeded to yell Josh's name.  When he finally came to I shouted, "We're having a baby!"  To which he said, "WHAT?!"  If you know him, you know how this sounded sort of a laughing, excited, you've gotta be kidding me but I hope you aren't kind of What?!

In the moments after we got the news we'd been hoping for so many months we realized that sheer excitement can quickly turn to fear.  We finally got the news we wanted but now we had to trust again.  I guess I hadn't thought forward enough to think that once we were pregnant again there would be more fear to overcome and more trust required.

When I used the due date calculator on Babycenter to figure out when our little one would be due to arrive, I was reminded again of the trust that God wants from me.  October 12 is the due date for this little one, two days before Grant's due date.  As my one friend put it, this all seems so redemptive.  I'm excited to have an October baby after all, but scared about the milestones that will be the same this time.  I think about June and start to get anxious.  But the truth is, it doesn't have to be the same this time.  It doesn't have to end the same way.

So why have we chosen to tell people so early in the game?  Well there are several reasons, thanks for asking.  :)

• We are really excited.
• We are also scared and we want/need people to be praying for us and for this little guy or girl.
• Why not?  We waited the "recommended" amount of time the last time before we told people and ended up losing our baby.  We were so thankful for the support we had from our family and friends and even strangers.
• This little life is our child, we are so excited and feel so privileged at the opportunity to be mommy and daddy to this little one.  If something happens and I only carry this child for a number of weeks, we want those weeks to be a time of celebration, excitement, and anticipation.  And if everything is fine and I'm able to carry him or her to term, I don't want to look back and be disappointed that I was fearful, disconnected, and unexcited because I was afraid something would happen.  

So here we go.  Now you know our secret.  Please pray with and for us and for our little one as we continue to trust and hope in what God is going to do.