Sisters

Today marks six months since Grant was born.  Half a year, wow.  I had a turning point this week.  I feel differently about things and have a new perspective of sorts.  It isn't really even something I can put into words, but I'll try.

I feel hopeful, like I'm able to walk with my head a little higher, excited for what is to come in our future, and thankful, yes thankful, for the growth opportunities I've been given in these last six months.  I don't feel that I've reached perfection, that's silly and won't ever happen.  But I do feel that I've reached a new maturity.  I've learned to be more gracious towards people who, at the heart of it, mean well but don't necessarily use discretion when they speak.  It is freeing to not take offense when people say or do hurtful things.  I'm a friendship person.  I've always loved having friends from all areas of my life.  But now, my friendships are deeper, truer, and stronger than ever before.  My relationship with Josh is stronger and I notice his interactions with children are different.  Perhaps it is just that he is getting older, but I see a difference in the way he interacts with children in the last six months and it makes me so excited to see him as daddy.

One relationship I must highlight that has deepened for me is my relationship with my sister-in-law, Sarah.  We've always had a good relationship.  She is sweet and just easy to like.  We found out we were pregnant a week apart and were baffled by what we knew was a God thing.   It was fun to go through our pregnancies together and share experiences.  We had our twenty week ultrasounds on the same day, that was the day that they found out they were having a boy and we found out that Grant had died.  At that moment, what felt like a God thing for five months, felt so odd.  Why would this have happened?  Maybe it wasn't a God thing.  In the six months that have passed since June 3, I've realized (and I'd say it is safe to say the same for her), that it was a God thing.  A relationship that was pretty good to begin with has grown to a place I didn't think was possible.  I sort of feel like on June 3, the day that my life changed so drastically, my sister-in-law became my sister.  In the past six months, I've been so blessed by my relationship with her, by her willingness to share with me about her pregnancy while being sensitive to my hurt, the way she has allowed me to be involved in August's life since he was born, and the complete honesty we've been able to share.  I don't have any sisters and while I have a lot of sister-like friends, this relationship with Sarah has been very unique.  I often marvel at where we are in our relationship and is common for me to say to her, ok, I know I say this a lot, but I'm so thankful for you and our relationship.  It is my hope that it just keeps getting sweeter.

So were we wrong to believe that God was doing something back in February when we were so in awe of this coincidence?  Not at all.  Did things turn out the way I would've chosen?  Not at all.  Am I thankful for the way things have turned out, even though I've had to go through a lot of pain?  Absolutely.

I love you Sarah.