I've just felt so fulfilled in our relationship lately. While I feel like I've failed as a wife in several areas (keeping up with the house, having forethought to plan out meals so we don't eat out as much, etc), Josh never makes me feel like I'm a failure. He just helps out where he can and doesn't make a big deal about things that aren't important in the grand scheme of things. I'm so in love with this little person that is growing in my belly, but in the past few days I've felt a little more like, WHAT THE HECK DID WE DO?! THIS CHILD IS GOING TO DISRUPT OUR FREEDOM, OUR JUST THE TWO OF US, AND THE WAY WE DO THINGS SO WELL. Yes, just like that, a yelling sort of panic. I broke down and explained my panicked feeling to Josh last night. He knows my heart. He knows I've wanted to be a mom forever and that those panicked feelings aren't my true feelings. He pointed out to me that we have help and plenty of people (family and friends) who will be glad to watch the baby so that we can have us time and that we'll make changes to be a family of three and that will be special too. I think these feelings are normal when you are on the cusp of change.
It is a bittersweet thing to know that your life is about to change in a drastic but wonderful way. I'm so glad that we've had five years together to establish us and really enjoy time as just the two of us, I'm sad to see that chapter close, but I'm excited to see what is in store for our little family of three
Thanks for sharing your heart. You are right---it is very normal to feel that bitter-sweetness about such an important change in your lives. But, as you done with all things before---you two will continue to grow closer together through this next amazing chapter. Part of the panic comes in the unknown...once you hold that baby in your arms, everything will make perfect sense :)
ReplyDeleteCara,I still love your honest heart. I remember feeling the same way, as I was expecting Jacob to arrive a few months after out 5th anniversary. (Although, I would have been too ashamed to admit it- maybe bc I couldn't have put it into words that related what I really felt). It didn't mean that I didn't want the joy of the life we had waited so long for, but I was afraid of the unknown. Even today as we face going from a family of 5 to a family of 7, I wonder how is this going to change the family we know, and the fun we have together. I m confident that I'll look back on these fears and say....oh, I'm glad we took the step of faith and didn't waver. It's awesome to know you aren't walk unknown alone, but that God is guiding you each step of the way. And it won't be long when you look back and can't rememerb what it was like when it was "just the 2 of you." And it's great!! :o)
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