One year ago today, my life was changed in a way I'd never expected. One year ago today, I couldn't see past the moment we were in. One year ago today, my son was born but he wasn't alive.
I know that at the time I probably knew in my mind that everything would be ok (eventually) but my heart hurt so much. When we arrived home from the hospital I was sad, partly numb, and didn't really know how things could ever be right again. I remember talking to Josh about how I just wanted this to be in the past, not so fresh, not so stingy. He reminded me that we would just take it one day at a time, he said, well today is day one, tomorrow will be day two, the next day will be day three, etc and it will get easier.
On that first day home (I went home late on the day he was born), I had no idea what the next year would hold. To recap, it held tears (lots and lots of them), talking and listening, bittersweet feelings at the birth of other children whom I love, disappointment, trust, hope, excitement, a deepened faith, growth, deeper connections, and a new life inside me. I am absolutely amazed at what an impact Grant's short little life has had on Josh and me as a couple, our families, friends, and even strangers. I'm thankful for his life, though it was short, it has had an impact. I wouldn't have chosen this path. I'm sad that I don't know my son, what his personality would be like, his laughter, his cry, etc, but I am thankful that I am able to tell people about him and how special he is.
One year ago today, I was changed. I'm so glad for a year of intense growth, deeper relationships, and renewed hope.
Happy Birthday, my sweet Grant David.
happy birthday grant. even though I never met you, you have touched my life and so many others. your mommy and daddy are such remarkable people who turned such sorrow into hope and a deepened faith. what an example to others. your life has meant so much.
ReplyDeleteThough I long to be celebrating Grant's birthday in a much different way, I'm still praising God for all the blessings that you have mentioned in your post. How can we know the morning, if we know not midnight? I love you and am continually encouraged by you and by Josh. Happy birthday Grant. You will always be loved.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said, Cara!! It is a journey and you both are traveling it well, by God's grace! Continued blessings for you and Josh and that precious little one you know await.
ReplyDeleteGrant will always be a part of your family.
Blessings!
~Kim